Body and Soul, Sexuality and Marriage; Part 4

by Andrew Sciba

(Read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3)

Photo by Tamal

The occurrence of lust within romance is something that generally takes place outside of marriage.? Many people, including those married, confuse sexual desire or even sexual passion with the sin of lust.? This misunderstanding can lead a person to believe that love and lust must coexist within even a loving, marital relationship.? This can open the individual to be accepting of other forms of lust.? Lust exists completely within the sexual appetite and by its very definition cannot exist outside of that appetite; however, the sexual desire found within a person can be properly ordered toward a spiritual goodness ? one of love rather than lust.? It is possible that the belief that love and lust each have a place within marriage is a result of confusing lust with sexual desire; as one spouse appropriately desires the other through love, that desire is mistaken for lust.? It does need to be stated that though a marital relationship may exist between a man and woman, it is possible for one to desire the other in such a way that the act is uncharitable or selfish, in which case lust is indeed present.

The sexual act is more than an act based on an individual?s sexual impulses.? As discussed earlier, the body acts as a sign of the soul, expressing the spiritual realities of the latter through physical actions.? Rarely are actions, especially those that relate us to one another, arbitrary, as they are the product of some emotion, belief or commitment.? The sexual act itself, as well as any sexually physical expression, is a sign that explicitly expresses the spiritual reality present within the sacrament of marriage.? Though there are various versions of the marital rite, each couple essentially promises to love each other in four ways.

1. Exclusively ? No other person will infringe upon the relationship between spouses.? Sins of adultery, such as infidelity, pornography or lustful desires for another violate this vow.
2. Permanently ? The marital bond of spouses continues until death.? Divorce is set in opposition to this vow.
3. Completely ? Committing one?s body, emotions, thoughts and desires to the spouse.? Various sins of spousal neglect act against this promise.
4. Fruitfully ? Openness to having children with the spouse.? All forms of contraception as well as refraining from having children without just cause are offenses to this promise.

These marital promises, made before the spouse, God and the Church through the sacrament of marriage, become the spiritual reality within each of the spouses.? Because the spiritual reality of marriage is of such an absolute nature, the act of total self-donation through sexual intercourse becomes the appropriate and proportional physical sign.

Regarding this body and soul relationship conversely, the sexual act is designed only to express the spiritual reality of marriage.? Sex communicates to the spouse a love of exclusivity, permanence, completeness and fruitfulness.? Each time spouses engage in sexual intimacy, the vows of marriage are restated through this physical expression.? Naturally, as a bride or groom would not fail to make one of these promises on their wedding day, the promises must be held intact throughout the marriage.? For this reason, as stated above, the use of contraception causes the body to communicate to the spouse falsely; that a fruitful love exists in the sexual expression of the marital vows when it does not.

A great number of people are unaware of this relationship between sexuality and marriage and, as a result, follow popular society?s recommendation of including sexual activity within romantic relationships.? Though unknowing individuals may not be aware of all that sex communicates, there is often a sense of the spiritualities associated with it.? Because of this, an unmarried couple may choose to include some form of sexual activity in an attempt to conjure the feeling of exclusivity or permanence within their relationship.? This is a reversal of the proper order of expression and is ineffective; the physical sign cannot create such a spiritual reality.

Photo by Sam Fam

It is within this context of marriage that the fullness of the gift of self is present and able to be acted upon through sexuality.? Because of the profundity of the relationship, it is possible that an absence of shame can occur, not because of shamelessness, but because there ?exist[s] the objective conditions for the genuine absorption of shame by love.?[i]? Assuming the honest and self-giving nature of the marital relationship, spouses have no need to fear one another and it is in this disarmament that true and holy intimacy can occur.

Perhaps the mystery that we are to ourselves is only surpassed by the mystery that God is to us; though generalities may be explained, the continual development of people and their relationships with others provides the need for constant self-examination.? It is through repeated study, prayer and humility that we must approach the subject of ourselves and we must always endeavor to see ourselves in the light of God?s design.

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[i] Wojtyla, Karol, Love & Responsibility, p. 191

Source: http://truthandcharity.net/body-and-soul-sexuality-and-marriage-part-4/

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